I got an excellent sex education in Florida

And I mean in the classroom, ya perverts.

We all know Florida is the place to go to get laid when you’re young and willing to fly for a tan and sex. And in the early ‘90s, at least in the Florida schools I attended, locals got a stellar, accurate sex education so they knew exactly what to do if they contracted an STI (formerly STD) in the future from one or two of those horny tourists.

In recent years, Gov. Ron DeSantis’s right-wing administration has attacked all sorts of rights, including the right to sex education for public school students. Schools are no longer required to teach sexual health and local school districts have to submit their plans to teach the topic to the Florida Department of Education (FLDOE) for approval. And most horrifyingly, according to LGBTQ Nation, “the classes must promote abstinence and cannot include discussion of contraception or pictures of reproductive health organs.”

Teach students about their anatomy, for the love of God. Ron may not know how to find a clitoris, but no one else should be cursed with this level of disfunction. And like why even teach sex ed without discussing birth control? Oh yeah! To make it easier to brainwash young people into giving up control over their bodies and, not to be dramatic, but their souls a bit, too. Because I’m sorry, if you don’t know much about your nether regions, your life will be limited. It’s a one-way ticket to dealing with an unwanted pregnancy in a state with a near-total abortion ban (vote yes on 4, Florida), an unwanted sexual encounter in a world that doesn’t punish perpetrators, an untreated STI that can affect your fertility, or the foolishness to vote for anti-reproductive health policies and candidates that harm you and future generations.

A lot of Gov. DeSantis’s antics make my blood boil, but this one broke my heart. I know how much I benefited from sex ed. It wasn’t just “health class,” it was about our sexual and reproductive health and it shaped my life. I was both scared of and fascinated by STIs. I believe that getting all of the facts made me feel (key word, feel) more in control of my life — which is a miracle because we all know that sex is messy and the consequences are often out of our control.

I think they actually started out teaching some information on the topic in elementary school, but in eighth grade we got the full egg, sperm, zygote, and chlamydia rundown. It wasn’t particularly sex positive but it was factual. Kids need the facts. I don’t remember learning much about consent, which is necessary, though I have some thoughts about how to finesse the way folks discuss consent (“enthusiastic yes” is a blog for another day) and I think consent is something that is learned through experiences outside of the bedroom (again, another day).

You have to remember, the ‘80s were a time of fear around sex because of the HIV/AIDS crisis. Most of my friends waited to have sex, and I think that was due to the sort of terror around dying of AIDS. My parents had friends who died of AIDS in the early days, and even now, I recently had a friend die of AIDS. The disease is not gone, but since 1996 when the HIV cocktail was discovered, the fear around it has waned. I believe University of Miami played a critical role in developing the antiretroviral therapy. Fear of the virus spurred the kind of comprehensive education taught in Miami at that time. I knew a whole hell of a lot about AIDS thanks to sex ed and And the Band Played On (a must-watch), was able to understand statistics on HIV, and knew about getting tested.

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I have worked in the sexual health arena for a few years and have interviewed many porn stars in my time as a reporter. I attribute my zero squirm largely to my early sex education. I love feeling free from that squirm. I love being sex positive. I love that I have the information to teach my child the truth about their body and others’ bodies and not have to slather it with shame and fear. (Highly recommend Bodies Are Cool for the littlest ones).

Not to belabor the point, but taking away that freedom is the goal of ending sex ed. Kids need to learn the mechanics of sex to protect themselves, not just from disease and pregnancy, but from misinformation and the influence of right wing mental predators. Education empowers, and that’s why DeSantis and his forced-ignorance army are coming after sex education.

When we know about our bodies, we can protect them. Period. It probably won’t be me, but someone needs to form a group of bandit sex educators to teach the poor uninformed children of Florida about their bodies. I guess it could be me if I had resources. Anyone want to fund me?

Let’s start with voting out lawmakers who want to limit public school education. Make sure you’re registered, and make sure you vote.

P.S. Netflix’s Sex Education is one of the best shows of all time. Hands down.

P.P.S. Here are some resouces for parents.