Review of my six-year-old’s favorite songs
How do kids listen to music these days? With their parents.
As a little kid, I learned to love music thanks to MTV, the car radio, and my brown two-tone Fisher-Price cassette player. My cassette player was particularly helpful in allowing me to spend solo time memorizing songs and emoting in weird ways.
And the good news for my parents, they didn’t have to hear one single note!
Thanks to streaming music, my partner Ryan and I listen to our six-year-old’s four favorite songs over and over and over. I now think of the car as our sonic prison.
When he was younger, he had great taste in music. He had our taste. Then the YouTube algorithm got to him. And while I don’t enjoy most of these songs, I do tell him that they are “cool" — I'm not a monster!
Andy Cohen will soon know my struggle.
I reviewed my child’s current favorite songs in this week’s newsletter.
Feel free to judge us if you have kids who listen to age-appropriate music, and if you don’t have kids but maybe want some, understand that this may be your future. I skipped over the obvious Imagine Dragons’ “Believer” because no one over the age of 12 should ever have to think about that song. Ever.
Up next: “Daddy, can you play ‘Chasing Stars’?” This hyper-romantic pop-electronic-country song by Alesso and Marshmello, featuring James Bay, is a painful listen, and honestly I do not know how it became his favorite. At least there are no curse words. (Bad words or obviously suggestive lyrics in songs marketed for kids is a post for another day, possibly called “Becoming Tipper Gore.”)
Marshmello is a 30-year-old Philadelphia DJ and producer who always wears a marshmallow helmet-mask on his head in the style of Deadmau5 — and he owns the under 10 algorithm.
On a recent drive to Baltimore, after hearing this song for the fifth time, it dawned on me that it has the same emotional urgency and energy as Dave Matthews Band’s “Crash Into Me.” So I forced Ryan to play DMB — and, guess what? I heard no complaints from the backseat. I guess I can get into the idea of “Chasing Stars” when I think of it as like a 2023 “Crash Into Me.”
Next song is another Marshmello song, but this time a banger called “Shockwave.”
God, I hate the effect the guy uses on his voice at the beginning of the song to make it sounds shaky. Ryan generously calls it “sad robot.” The thing is, the drop is actually catchy. It’s, ya know, good-ish. They play it at my gym sometimes, and if my son is there, it makes him very happy. It’s a good gym song.
The last one I’ll pick at is Oliver Tree’s “Cash Machine.”
YouTuber famed for giving away money, Mr. Beast, has a short clip of this song in the video in which he paid some exploited guy something like half a million to live isolated for 100 days. So, my son asked once (while watching this video for the tenth time), “What’s this song called?” And now we listen to it a lot.
I have no real complaints about this song. It’s a good song all around and the lyrics aren’t terrible — they’re in fact anti-capitalist. So it’s ironic that it soundtracks that Mr. Beast video about a dude who didn’t see his family for three months to secure their financial future so Mr. Beast can have content.
Oliver Tree has a Dumb and Dumber haircut and performance-artist-meets-juggalo getup, so I’m kind of into how stupid he looks. At least it’s not boring or a marshmallow head.
I just saw this article about parents like me who try too hard to get their kids into stuff they think is “cool.” And yes, I did spend a car ride yesterday trying to convince him that the Cure is cool, but I actually think my son makes me cooler, because he’s got his tiny finger on the cultural pulse that beats with youthful energy (no offense, Robert Smith).
Thankfully, we’re now also listening to the new Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse soundtrack — which is kid-friendly and has Lil Wayne!
He’s also into Post Malone’s “Chemical.” Say what you will, but Posty’s got a good voice and seems like a nice guy though he pisses me off by dropping “f-bombs” in every one of his songs. Luckily, my kid doesn’t understand what it means to “f@%& out all my brains” (Malone’s words, not mine).
But again, that’s a post(y) for another day.
This was one of my first assignments as a Dad... curate the kids music environment. I focused on variety and good hooks... it lasted until 8-10 years old. My kids were YouTube starved until 6-7 and then the algorithm took over.. but my oldest likes everything from Coldplay, Pink Floyd to TV on the Radio and Arcade Fire. My youngest is full on pop music, but like some oldies and Dolly!