What’s the point of Mother’s Day? A gift and day guide
Some suggestions for the last minute.
When we were little, my mom put big pressure on us to pretend we were normal well-behaved children on Mother’s Day. It never went well. To me it was obvious that the pressure made us act like even bigger jerks, but year after year, the scenario would repeat itself.
A recent conversation with friends about whether to spend the day with your kids or take the day as a break from your kids made me realize why my family had so much trouble on Mother’s Day. It’s a directionless holiday of mixed messages. Either you spend it with your little monsters and let them performatively serve you breakfast then terrorize you as normal or you can spend it enjoying your freedom.
You may want to be around the people who made you a mother and also feel good about yourself as an adult, but you can’t do both at the same time with. This is a fact.
That’s also why my attitude about Mother’s Day is: What’s the point? I hate that it kind of pushes the stupid idea that you can have it all and you cannot. At least not all at once. So maybe expect to be disappointed and just know that the best you can hope for are extra hugs and a decent gift.
That said, here’s a gift and day guide that can be tailored to fit mom’s interests.
A day where mom doesn’t have to make any decisions
If mom is like me, she is over making a million micro decisions. Do not ask her what she wants, just plan the goddamn day. Make appointments at a nail place if she cares about that stuff. Do not ask what she wants for dinner, just order from a place she likes or make something she’ll enjoy. If you live in a big city, you won’t be able to get reservations anymore, so get creative. Is there a deli or doughnut place she likes? Do that. Just keep it simple and easy.
Three words: museum gift shop
Plan an activity that involves retail therapy, it doesn’t have to be a museum gift shop. Recently my son spent time at a museum with someone other than me and immediately asked them to go to the gift shop, because that’s who his mother is, a person who wants to have an experience that also involves browsing wares. That could be going to a bookstore or a garden store. This is a flexible concept based on interests, and it allows you to not get a gift in advance.
For instance, I like to bake, so I would not say no to getting a baking book at food-focused bookstore Bold Fork Books in my old D.C. neighborhood, and then find a nearby bakery to snack at.
(Side note: Blackbird Spyplane wrote about how awful museum shops can be, and offered notes some good ones.)
Ask her what she wants and then support her purchase regardless of price.
I guess three other words here are “throw money at it.” That’s four words, but you get the idea. Mom’s always researching gifts for other people and forced to go grocery shopping way more than is healthy, let her go ham. And share my clothing guide with her for ideas!
Also, no one’s going to say no to a Sephora spree. And if you do go to Sephora and mom is over the age of 40, tell her you heard this stuff is good: Caudalie Resveratrol-Lift serum and Ranavat brightening saffron serum.
Take the kids to the park.
Whether or not your mom person wants to spend endless hours with her family, you still need to give them a break.
Plan a brunch with friends or family, if you have any!
It’s a good day to join forces with other families and let the children raise themselves. Maybe this is the closest you can get to having it all at the same time?!
That’s all I’ve got for today. Write me in the comments if you want suggestions for your area. I’m happy to offer free advice through Google searches and experience.
I hope your Mother’s Day is memorable for all the right reasons!